I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
