seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
