hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
