I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
