I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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