i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
