I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
