Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
