He disabled his match.com account in front of me
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
