If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
soo... how was my night?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
