we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize