you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
