Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
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