In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
