i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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