In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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