about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
