glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
