my phone needs a breathalizer
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
