I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
