Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
