So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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