he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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