ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
