i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
