To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
