Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
