if i died would you start the facebook group?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
