How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
