i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
