And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
