omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
