She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
