I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
