can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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