yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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