I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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