That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize