umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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