guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
