just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
