meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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