don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
