My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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