I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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