i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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