she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
