I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
