I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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