haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
home. puking in laundry basket.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
