You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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