Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
