he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
