everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
if only i could text you this smell
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
