Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize