I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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