i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
