I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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