How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
