Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
