I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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