I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
