I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
