You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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