I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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