Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
