Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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