The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
