And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
