ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
