IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
