you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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