i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This is classic penis vs brain.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
