I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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