yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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