well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
As shirtless as possible
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
