She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
