just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
