I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
