well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
