The best revenge is premature balding
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Operation Purity has been aborted
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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