I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
