Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
