; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
