i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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