there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
