I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
