he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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